If It Ain't One Thing Ch. 01

"I'm Dan, no one has called me "Sir" since I was in the Navy." I told her. Well, they have, so that is my usual come back, but no one called me "Sir" in the Navy either.

"I'm Kate, I am here until 6 in the morning." Another big smile lit up the room. Damn, she was pretty, and from what I could tell, the rest of her was just fine, too. My Debra had outdone herself this time, at least I was thinking this lady was probably sent by my wife.

"On a scale of one to ten, how much pain do you feel?" Kate asked the standard almost impossible to answer question.

"About 25." I told her.

"I can ask them to add some medication if you like." She gave me a nice smile, glancing at the charts, then at the plastic bags of stuff they were filling me up with through the IV..

"No, I am fine. If I hurt, I know I ain't dead yet." I told her.

She gave me a sweet grin, that lit up the room.

Damn.

"OK, but just let me know, all right?" She reached out and patted my stomach, just like Stephanie had done earlier. Then she left, and I dozed off.

I woke up to something beeping, I glanced up at the monitor, my blood pressure was up. Probably due to the dream, when I find myself in situations out of my control I have these dreams. They usually involve me being lost, or in some strange place with no way out.

Why that happens, I don't know, but I also go into what is called spikes. Being stuck in a hospital bed is one sure way to set things off. The monitor read 175/90, to me that is no big deal, I have been way over that. Not so much any more, Debra's efforts have my old body in pretty darned good shape.

Of course Kate showed up and checked, I was already dropping back to my normal 138/65, I have learned how to relax and take slow deep breaths. Take a deep breath, form an "O" with your lips, then exhale, six seconds each.

Trust me, that works.

"90% is a little low, let's fix that." Kate put the Oxygen tube on me. Then she sat there for quite a long time, until I was back up to 95%. I figured that had to do with my ribs being wrapped, it sure was hard to try and get a deep breath.

I explained about the dream as we chatted, she seemed to understand and nodded.

"Things like that happen to us old men." I gave her a sideways grin.

"You seem to be the youngest old man we have in here." She grinned at me, patted my stomach again. That felt nice, I was thinking Kate was certainly a pretty little thing. But as much as I would have liked to just lay there and look at her, I went back to sleep, no more dreams.

+++

I suppose, considering this site is about sexy tales that I should be telling stories about hand jobs, bare titties, all sorts of crap. The truth is, I was in a hospital and while things do happen, it is rather rare.

Besides, I hurt like hell.

Oh, I got a bed bath each day since they didn't want me moving due to my leg. They were worried about blood clots I think. Stephanie rubbed my back, legs and butt to keep circulation up, rolling me one way partially, then the other. There was always two nurses in the room while that was going on and the warm soft towel over my junk while they did it. One other nurse was a nice older lady named Carol, then a young guy named Mike was there, he looked to be about 14 years old to me. I have noticed that there are a lot more male nurses now than there used to be. Mike was of course a candy striper, I only saw him the one time.

It was rather obvious he did not want to do any bathing at all. That was fine with me. Stephanie was not shy about it at all, she reached right under the towel, the kid never got anywhere close. Nothing sexy about any of that, things still hurt way too much.

Debra popped in about 2-3 times every day, one evening about 7 days into my stay she pulled the curtain and sat down on the edge of the bed and I knew what was coming.

My wife loves me and she is an expert at taking care of her man. Five days is about my limit, things begin to build up around then, so she knew. Odd how about a decade and a half ago my sex life had close to faded, I almost never bothered to even masturbate, but a decade of regular activity with Debra changed all of that. There is something to be said about the old "Use it or lose it." line.

Since Debra insists on keeping me as active as possible, at least one, perhaps two orgasms a week has become almost a requirement. So, I guess that was duty calls? Plus, Debra is quite expert at taking care of things, and absolutely loves to. She slipped the little tube out of me, then got busy.

Yes, a catheter. Nothing sexy about those at all, and they replace those regularly. I did tease the one nurse named Carol, told her to just hold the pee jug and aim me at it, she laughed at me, told me it wasn't long enough and I would wet the bed. Then she gave me about four tugs, slid the damn thing in.

Now I would have preferred to have my wife in bed with me so I could demonstrate some of my sexual prowess, but the state I was in made that impossible. I am fairly sure that one or more of the nurses mentioned to Debra that I was reacting some during the bed baths, and I was.

I think most men will get an erection when a nurse is washing their balls and rubbing their behinds.

+++

I woke up about 10 days into my stay to someone doing something by the bed, I looked and here was another nurse I didn't know. It was dark out, so I knew it was evening. She was messing with the bag, I still had a Catheter in of course. My leg being elevated meant the Catheter was easier.

By then I had even been up on crutches briefly, I could use my left leg and right arm so that sort of worked. Man, how can a leg hurt so bad just hanging there I don't understand.

"Good evening, I am Maggie." The rather matronly looking woman said.

"Hi. Where is Kate?" I asked. She had been my night nurse up until then. I liked Kate, she always smiled and we chatted about everything under the Sun. It really helped that she was cute as a bug's ear.

This lady wasn't, but she did have a nice smile.

"She is off today and tomorrow, she will be back after that. . Are you hungry?"

"Yep! I will take one Cow, medium rare, one side of Bacon, a half dozen eggs, enough hash browns for a grown man and some Coffee to start with." I grinned at her. Yeah, I know, breakfast. I often eat breakfast for dinner.

"You mean Oatmeal and Orange juice? Be right back." She was back in minutes, Oatmeal and Orange juice, and some kind of bread roll that had me thinking of sharpening my dentures. It was good though, I even got a second helping. Getting a second helping in a hospital makes me think maybe someone died, but I try not to think about that.

Then Maggie did the bed bath thing, carefully covering my junk, latex gloves, the whole businesslike works. No second nurse in there this time, but she was efficient. Then she pulled the towel aside, rolled my foreskin back and used one of the little towelettes there, which of course caused the usual reaction. She also removed the Catheter, now I was standing up rather proudly.

"Sorry." I said.

"Not a problem." She smiled, covered me back up, unstrapped my leg and left. She didn't put a new Catheter back in, thank God.

I woke again later, it was dark outside, someone was moving in the room.

"How are you feeling?" I realized it was Maggie.

"OK, I guess."

"Do you need to urinate?" She asked.

"No, not really."

"Your wife called, she got finished very late tonight so she went on home. She asked me to help you." Her voice had a trace of amusement in it. One hand reached out and touched my hip.

I had this part figured out.

This rather matronly appearing lady turned out to be quite excellent, she used both hands.

"Efficient" really was the word. From what I read, I hold the world's record for most hand jobs in a medical setting at 5. I think part of that is having a wife like my Debra, she honest to God seems to get a kick out of things like that.

+++

Where was I? I keep having to go back and read what I wrote, since I am doing this in half hour spurts of writing, days apart. Sometimes a week or two.

Which means I just might have a half dozen different stories all mixed in together, but..? That's the way my old head is bolted on anyway, yep. I ramble.

Right. Hospital. Anyway, the Doctor came in awhile back, told me they were going to release me, which I found odd since my wrist was still nicely broken, and my leg was nowhere near ready to hold me upright for very long..

At least my head had quit hurting. Ribs, too, they took the bandages off so I could at least breathe again, no more Oxygen.

I asked the Doc, (it was that guy that I still don't know his name, Christopher something) how I was supposed to get into the bathroom, move around, do much of anything because it was clear to me that there was no way I could do most of what I would have to at home.

"Your wife Debra arranged for a full time home care nurse for you." He told me.

"Oh, ok." Just great, it would be my luck I would get some mean old bag that would make my life miserable. Nothing I could do about it, though. I was thinking that Maggie lady would be OK.

Debra showed up about an hour later, I asked her about who she had found to be a live in nurse?

"You already met her, Kate is going to move into the spare room and live with us until you are back up and around." Then she grinned at me.

"Kate? The redhead?" I asked, doing my level best to keep a straight face.

I am fairly sure I grinned at that anyway. Debs caught my look and smiled.

"Uh huh. Probably all Summer, until she goes back to school ." She gave me a wicked grin, sat down on the edge of the bed and hugged me.

"It's perfect, she is attending daytime classes at the local community college which ends this week, and can barely afford rent. So it saves her a lot of money, plus the insurance pays her per diem rate. It should be about six weeks, get you back to normal and we will go from there. I told her if she wanted to, she could even live with us until next Summer. We have lots of room, and it will be nice to have someone around."

My Debra does have a strong maternal instinct, even though she has never had children. Probably a shame there, but things get in the way of that.

"Do you think she will do?" She asked me.

"I suppose." I did my best to keep a straight face again, Debra looked at me and grinned. She knows me very well, I like cute females.

"I figured you might like that. It's perfect, she is single and no boy friend even, plus she is well trained. She started out going to East West massage school up in Portland, then switched to nursing here at the community college so that will help too, she can give you rubdowns. I can go to work and not worry, and I can take care of you when I get home each day."

"I thought she was in day classes?" I asked.

"She was, but since they are going on break now, she has no classes for awhile, and then she is switching to evening classes this Fall. I also arranged for her to intern at the hospital, and at our clinic after she graduates. It might work out that I can get her on the payroll, she fits right in with us."

+++

Kate was sitting in my chair in our living room when Debra wheeled me into the house. The chair is electric but she had to help it a little to get up the ramp. Where our two front steps off the porch used to be was a wheelchair ramp, she had someone come in and build that while I was in the hospital, it was a bit steep. The chair did fit through the front door, barely. The kitchen table was new, it was way smaller so there was room between it and the sink, I could see in there from our front doorway..

I almost didn't recognize our living room, instead of the on the crowded side it was the way before, it was open, the carpet had been pulled and a new vinyl floor laid down. All of the furnishings were smaller, except for my big easy chair. In the bedroom, our big California King bed was up against the wall, one of those queen size that fold in the middle like a hospital bed does sat in it's place. It had separate sections, so one person could tilt while the other wasn't. Hard to keep sheets in place doing that, I figured out quickly.

Debs solved that by getting some single sheets after we created some wads the first night.

Efficient wife, I have, huh? She thought of everything, handles anything that pops up.

How Debra got all of that done, in just eleven days, all while also running the medical clinic full time is beyond me. But it was nice, easy for me to push the wheelchair buttons to navigate the house. Yes, she even bought the padded wheelchair, electric powered, it was actually kind of fun. I could do complete circles in one spot, neat.

There was even a brand new Dodge Ram pickup coming, she had used the insurance check that came in faster than anyone would believe to go to the dealership and order a new one. This one had even more toys and whistles than my other one did, I read the order form, Debs had ordered almost every option they had after asking me what I wanted.

I did cringe a little when I saw she had paid almost $20,000 extra for the added stuff over what the other truck cost, but oh well. Add in the shortage from the insurance and we were sort of taking it in the shorts here. I remembered what she paid for her Camaro, and I was thinking one should never let a female Doctor negotiate for a new vehicle.

"Oh, OK." Is NOT a counter offer.

Let's just say that someone got their mortgage covered, dealerships see a female buyer and automatically add a couple of grand in added dealer profit.

Oh, well.

+++

[I took another few days off, trying to type on my PC from the wheel chair hurt some, wrong height of course, so Debra had a crew come in and fix that. Now, I just roll up on the lift pad, touch a button and it goes up to where I want to be. Pretty neat, huh?]

I did learn to lock the wheels after my first attempt had me rolling right back off the pad. Debra and Kate caught me, I think they expected that.

Yeah, I know. Rambling.

Having Kate around all day sure didn't bother me one bit, I never saw her without a smile on her face. She also proved to be a strong gal, because getting me out of the wheelchair and into the sit down tub we have was an issue. Go ahead, try that with one hand and one leg. The cast was off my right hand by then, but I was still relearning my fingers.

But, we managed. I sat there as the tub filled part way, have to do it that way on those tubs with doors. The whole process was awkward as hell since I had one leg up on a small shelf. I had a washcloth over my groin, I didn't want to embarrass Kate but she grabbed it and used it to scrub me stem to stern. She even had me lift up and scrubbed my butt hole which was interesting and of course caused me to develop a woodie.

"Sorry." I told her.

"No problem, I have seen men before." she almost laughed, then she reached out and scrubbed that, too. I gritted my teeth to keep from blasting off, let's face it. Having a cute redhead scrubbing your dick and balls is stimulating, even at my age. Hell, she even skinned back my foreskin and used her fingertips to scrub me there, I had to clamp right down on my dentures at that.

"You sure do react normally." She mentioned right in the middle of everything, big smile on her face like holding onto a man's dick with one hand while washing it with the other was no big deal.

But that was it, she drained the tub and toweled me off, then helped me get my briefs back on. She now had on clear latex gloves, I noticed she changed them several times, using blue gloves to wash my ass and most of me.

The other bad part which to me was uncomfortable was the bathroom. One hand in a cast, the other one I almost could not pick up a pencil, so of course, Kate got to wipe my fanny. I was almost used to that, the nurses had to do that while I was in the hospital, also.

There were some good parts though. After about two weeks it appeared that Kate was becoming comfortable with living with a harmless old Grandpa type. My right hand was beginning to become usable again, that stopped the distasteful part of having Kate deal with the bathroom stuff. She was still helping me with bathing and giving me rubdowns, she was actually pretty good at that too.

The first inkling of anything surprising was when she came into the living room one morning to see if I needed anything. I was using my left hand to try and watch a half dozen TV programs at once like usual, my thumb was beginning to work pretty good again.

She had on a robe and it was loosely tied, I wanted some Coffee so she brought me a cup. In the process of moving around I realized all she had on were some yellow panties under the robe. I caught a glimpse of a medium size breast capped by a nipple that was that unique bulbous shape that is rare in women but gloriously beautiful.

I guess I was feeling better, I looked and Kate caught my glance, gave me a sweet smile. She reached up and tugged at the front of her robe, no sign of embarrassment.

"It is supposed to be in the 70's today, I was thinking of getting some Sun in the back yard if that's OK?" She asked. I was already used to her asking about that stuff, she asked permission for everything.

It was, "May I have some milk?" Before getting some, I mean, everything she asked first, actually a bit odd.

"Sure, whatever you like, I will be fine." I told her, thinking nothing of it.

"OK. But I don't.. I mean, I asked Debra, she said it was OK."

"OK for what?" Her question confused me.

"I don't want any tan lines, so I usually sunbathe with no top on."

"Oh. Sure, fine with me." I laughed at that. Kate really asked permission for everything.

"I have seen girls before." I wisecracked, that got a giggle out of her. I expected her to go out back, we have a nice six foot high board fence that borders the pool our next door neighbors have. But instead she went into the bedroom. I went back to scanning the TV set, walking anywhere more than a few dozen feet so far was out of the question, even with my crutch.

Maybe a half hour later or so, Kate came out, walked by me and out the back door.

Nothing on but a skimpy bathing suit bottom?? She acted like she didn't even see me, but her shoulders were back, like women tend to do when they know they are being checked out.

Now I KNOW that nearly all women like being checked out, any that say they don't are probably either a Lesbian or lying.

OK. I blinked a couple of times at that, she seemed unconcerned. I was thinking of going out there and joining her just for the view, I mean damn! Kate had a very nice set on her, but then we have had friends over many times, so bare breasts in our back yard really isn't anything new.

Also, to get out there meant I would need to go out the front door, down the wheelchair ramp, over to the side of the house, all the way around back, which I would then need to open the wooden gate. The back yard still had three steps off the porch, no way to get up and down those in my situation.

So, while I was pouting about not being out there, I dozed off and missed Kate coming back in.

But the next day, she did it again, walking right by me wearing nothing but a bit of cloth not large enough to make me a hankie. Yes, she also asked permission first. That time I managed to stay awake so I got to watch when she came back in.

I told Debra about that, of course she already knew about it since Kate asked her for permission also. She just laughed about it.

"I figured you would get a kick out of her." Debs told me. She happened to be on top of me at the time, I really was improving rapidly. Another couple of weeks and the other cast on my wrist would be off, I was already managing to stand up and move from the damn wheelchair.