Mr. Lewis Ch. 02

I dialed Ryan's number. He answered on the second ring. "Danica."

"What's wrong, Ryan? Did I—,"

"You're on my class roster, Danica."

My heart stopped before pounding into my chest with an assaulting rhythm. "What? No way. There's obviously some mistake."

"How so? I'm looking at your name right here. Danica L. Matthews."

"Maybe they just have it from last semester when I registered for classes. It has to be a mistake, Ryan. My mom was just talking to Cori and me about California this morning at breakfast. We're all set to leave on the fourth."

He sighed before speaking again. "Okay. Okay," he blew out a breath of air that rustled in the phone. "I'm sorry for bothering you so much. I just had to know."

"It's cool. I'm sorry I couldn't get to my phone sooner. I had it off and I was busy all morning."

"What've you been up to?" he asked, seeming to regain some of his gusto as I lost all of mine.

"We had breakfast, then we went jet skiing over to some resort thing to swim with dolphins. We had lunch, then my mom decided to take us shopping for some party tonight."

"A party?"

"Yeah. It's at the hotel."

"And your parents are going to be there?"

"Yes," I said slowly.

"Good," he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Why is that good?"

"Because I don't want you going off to a New Year's Eve party with only Cori. There are tons of men out there looking to drug and rape girls like you two. And with your parents around you can't drink."

I laughed. Ryan knew I didn't drink, but his concern for my, and my best friend's, safety warmed me. "You don't have to worry, Cori and I will be on our best behavior."

He laughed too. "Now see, that worries me."

"Awe come on, we're not that bad. Look, I have to go," I said as Cori gave me the "wrap it up" signal with her index finger through the shop window. "I'll call or text when I get a chance."

"Of course."

"Bye." I hung up and walked over to the boutique and whispered to Cori, "We may have trouble."

My mother left the register at that moment, effectively ending any type of conversation I wished to have with Cori. I was on pins and needles for the entire afternoon as my mother and father laid about the beach. I made an excuse of wanting a drink to get away from them and relay to Cori what Ryan told me over the phone.

"I haven't gotten the idea that they were going to change their minds about California, Dan. But so what if they do? You'll be in town with Ryan and we can graduate with the people we hate the most," she tried to cheer me up, but I had a horrible gut feeling about it all.

"It's gonna be over with Ryan and me if that happens, Cori. You know that. He wouldn't choose this relationship over his career, and I wouldn't want him to. God, if this is true, I don't know what I'm gonna do."

"Just relax, Dani. It has to be a mistake. I mean, we still have our flight booked to California and I'm all packed to go." I must not have looked too convinced because she continued on. "Your parents never do things last minute, if they were enrolling you at BHS, you would have known it by now."

I had to give her that. My parents' pictures should have been put in the dictionary next to the word "proactive". "We'll see what happens," I said as I grabbed my iced tea from the counter.

We spent another hour at the beach before my mother was itching to get in the shower and ready herself for the night's festivities. I was grateful; at least while in the comfort of my room I could think without having a million questions thrown at me. I showered and dressed in a daze, barely noticing when Cori sat me in the bathroom to apply my makeup. When she finished, I complimented her on a job well done and continued to sit in the chair. My fear had finally crippled me. I sat, unmoving as Cori weaved around me, until the buzzing of my phone against the counter brought me out of my trance. Of course it was Ryan.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey," he hesitated. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I lied. "Just getting ready for the party."

"Oh, okay. Well, I was calling to let you know I'm going out with some of the guys tonight. It's nothing major, just a couple of drinks and whatnot."

"Okay."

"You sure everything's alright?"

I tried to lighten my voice. "Yeah, everything is fine. Just kinda beat. We've been busy all day. I'll be glad when I can lay down for the night."

"All right, well, I won't bother you tonight then. I've had the feeling I've been too clingy anyway."

"No, no," I said, real emotion finally making itself known in my voice.

"I kinda have been. But when you've wanted something so badly and for so long...you don't want it to get away. It's like it's almost too good to be true."

"I know what you mean. Don't worry about me. Have fun tonight, I'll talk to you tomorrow or something."

"Okay. Talk to you later, baby."

I hung up as tears flooded my eyes.

Cori reapplied my makeup in silence before we went out for the night. As we went through dinner and part of the party, I was becoming more grateful for Cori's presence. She was charming the pants off my parents and keeping me in the shadows so I could sulk without too much attention being brought to me—it was about five minutes to midnight when my parents finally called for my immediate attention.

My mother and father gripped hands over the table as they smiled at me. "Danica, we are so proud of you," my mother said, her eyes warming as she looked at me. "Though, we haven't always been the best parents—,"

"Mom..."

"No, Dani. It's true. We sent you across the country over some petty teenage rumors and didn't even bother to get your take on things." My mother's eyes filled with tears as she dug through her purse. She handed Cori and me manila envelopes before blotting her eyes. "We believed the lies before we believed our own daughter. You have no idea how sorry we are, Dani; for that, and everything we put you through as a result."

My trip to the gynecologist flew before my eyes, making me shudder.

"Go ahead, open your envelopes," my dad said, rubbing my mother's shoulders.

Sure enough, encased in the envelope was my relationship's death sentence—my class schedule for Bloomington High School. Ryan's name popped out as if it were printed in bold, red ink. "Seventh hour ancient civilizations class," I said, not even trying to sound enthusiastic.

"We knew how much you wanted to take that class, so we enrolled you in it," my father said, his chest poked out.

"And also to let you know that we trust you," my mother said, a fresh wave of tears brimming her eyes.

I finally couldn't contain myself and let tears fall from my eyes, too. Thankfully, my parents took it as a sign of gratefulness rather than what it really was, a farewell to my relationship and the only man I had ever loved. Cori grabbed my hand under the table which only made me cry more.

I wanted to cling to the words Cori said earlier about Ryan being happy of my parents' choice to reenroll me at Bloomington High, but I knew it was a vain hope. When Ryan answered the phone and told me of his class roster, I knew all the nails on the coffin of our relationship had been laid—the tone of his voice told me everything I needed to know. He was detached, sad; his voice lacked the warmth and sensuality it usually had when he talked to me.

The countdown to the end of the year had begun in the background, the entire ballroom counting with the time clock that boasted itself on the oversized projector. When the clock struck midnight the ballroom went into a frenzy. Couples kissed, singles downed their shots, friends hugged, and there I was with tears streaming down my face.

*

I threw my backpack over my shoulder before bidding my parents good morning and leaving the house. The drive to school was silent apart from the traffic that surrounded me. Even that noise was borderline too much. I pulled into the student lot and waited for Cori to arrive; I was earlier than planned due to my sleepless night. I tossed and turned into the wee hours of the morning until it was an acceptable time for me to start getting ready for school.

I sipped my Starbucks hot chocolate, not tasting it, as I looked at all of my classmates leave their cars. I watched as some of the couples shared passionate embraces before walking hand in hand to the school's entrance. My heart sank at the realization that that would never be me and Ryan. I was sure our hand holding, kissing, and lovemaking was over. I just hoped it wouldn't be over for good.

Cori tapped on my window and I unlocked the door. She sat down and gave me the "I'm sorry" face. I'd been seeing it too often from her when she was around me.

"So, what'd he say?"

I cringed. "I haven't told him yet."

"Danica!"

"I know, I know. I just didn't know what to do, and at least this way when he breaks up with me, he has to do it to my face."

"You don't really think he's going to dump you, do you?"

I gave her the "what do you think?" face.

"For real?"

"The realest," I said with a sigh.

"I think he'll be glad you're here, but sad because you two will have to be even more careful around each other and everyone else."

"That would be plausible if he wasn't actually my teacher. I have him seventh hour, Cori. There's no way he'd continue a relationship with me and be my teacher. It's morally and ethically wrong."

She stayed silent as more cars pulled into the lot. Dustin pulled up beside us, our cue to move on to class. He bid us good morning and the three of us made the trek to the building in the snow. Cori and Dustin discussed classes while I scanned the student center for any sign of Ryan. I breathed a sigh of relief when he was nowhere to be seen; that didn't mean that he wouldn't know of my presence, especially with the way my classmates swarmed around me.

"Hey, Danica!"

"Hey, you're back!"

"Look, it's Danica!"

I waved, but tried to keep my head down as much as possible. I knew it would be useless—by the time seventh hour rolled around, Ryan would have heard a million times over that I was back. I drifted through my classes, barely registering what they were and who taught them and was grateful when my lunch reprieve came. I plopped into a chair as Cori sat down with her tray.

"Not hungry?"

"Of course not," I said, putting my head into my hands.

"Oh fuck me. Here comes Beth-Ann," Cori said.

"Well, hell."

"Well look who it is!" Beth-Ann said in her fake southern drawl. She moved to Illinois when she was three, there was no way she could've still held on to her southern accent, if she ever developed one. "I heard you were back in town, but we never ran into each other. I guess there's a hint of truth to some rumors," she said, a wicked gleam in her eyes.

"Most of them, yes, but some are complete bullshit," I said, not in the mood to pretend.

She went on as if my demeanor didn't faze her. "I bet California was great! The sun, the palm trees...the hot guys on the beach. You probably hate it here, don't you?"

"Starting to."

"Well, I'll leave you to your lunch," she said as she sashayed away.

"Just like her mom, ugh," Cori said.

"If I had any shred of hope that Ryan hadn't figured out I was back, that has went all the way down the tubes. Beth-Ann's mouth is far too big for her face."

Cori cringed. "Secrecy was never on your side, Dan. You're the talk of the school."

"Fuck me."

Seventh hour came way too fast, and I was facing it alone. Cori hadn't completed the prerequisites for the course and Dustin had already completed the class. I took a deep breath and walked into the room. Ryan looked like he had been hit by a bus. His hair was messy from where he had been grabbing it, his eyes were sunken and dull...I had to look away.

"Dani, hey!"

"Hey," I turned to Erin Coupe and tried to smile. At least I knew one person in this class. It helped that she was a talker and would keep my occupied.

"So, you're back! How was California?" she asked, bubbly as ever and bouncing out of her seat.

"I thought I hated it, until I came back here," I sighed.

Erin frowned momentarily before a wide grin broke out over her face. "I'd hate this little old town if I had lived in California, too. It has to be awesome. The culture there is so different than ours, right?"

"You wouldn't even believe it if I told you," I grumbled, staring ahead at the other side of the room.

"Wow. But you can always go to college there!"

"I could."

Ryan called the class to order, but I continued to stare at the opposite wall. He went over the syllabus and some other boring stuff, but I couldn't tune him out when he started discussing the final project. We were to partner up with someone and give a presentation about one of the civilizations of our choosing. Despite the grim situation I was faced with, my heart began to leap excitedly at the prospect of the project.

"You and I will be partners, 'kay?" Erin said.

I nodded and smiled. At least I would be partnered with someone that actually liked history, and I wouldn't be forced to do all the grunt work alone.

Ryan gave us time to pick partners and flip through our books to find a civilization that interested us. From the conversations I heard, most students were trying to pick one of the latter civilizations so they had time to procrastinate on the presentation; it made me smile. Erin handed in our civilization proposal and we waited to see if it would be approved.

Ryan gave a half-smile before he spoke to the class. "Erin and Miss Matthews have chosen Pompeii for their project. Very daring as this is one of the very first topics we discuss in this class. You have a little under three weeks to comprise the project, ladies, but I'm sure it'll be nothing short of perfection." I couldn't hold back my smile. Maybe there was hope for us yet.

I watched Ryan as he made several groups "rock, paper, scissors" for their projects, and as the hour went by, he seemed to become more like the Ryan I knew. It was a few minutes until the final bell, and I was dying for the day to end. I had to talk to Ryan and see what his thoughts were. I had to see where we stood as a couple. Erin was talking to me about what part each of us would do for the project, but I was barely listening. I was too busy thinking of what I would say to Ryan and how we could make our relationship work with him being my teacher again.

In that moment, I knew I had been lying to myself. I did expect, and want, Ryan to stay with me despite his status as my teacher. If he really meant all of those things he said to me and if he really liked me, then I figured he would. I thought back over every word he had uttered to me, in the heat of sex, over the phone, and through text; my confidence began to build. No man could say all of those things and turn around and break up with a girl. Only a cold-hearted person could do that.

The bell finally rang and students filed out of the classroom. "Danica, a moment, please?" my heart skipped a beat when I heard Ryan's voice come from behind me. Erin waved goodbye to me as I sat back into my desk.

I sat for a very long time.

I was beginning to think he forgot I was there until he finally looked at me.

"Surprise?" I said.

He frowned. "You knew this was going to happen, but you said nothing."

His tone chilled me. "I...I didn't know when you called me."

"But you knew long enough in advance to tell me."

I couldn't deny it. "Yes. It's not like me telling you earlier could've changed anything."

"You're right," he sighed while grabbing his hair.

"So."

"So, what?"

"Don't play dumb, Ryan."

"Danica. There's no way we can maintain a relationship in these conditions."

I had been preparing myself for the blow for days, but it still hurt more than I could've ever imagined. It was like being punched in the gut and kicked in the throat simultaneously.

"So, it's over. Just like that? No 'we'll try and work it out'? No nothing...?"

"What is there to try, Danica? Students and teachers are not supposed to date. Period."

"Fine. I'll drop your stupid class."

"That wouldn't solve anything, and you know it."

I closed my eyes, tilted my head back, and rubbed my forehead. "You know, if you just wanted a quick fuck, you could've just hit Beth-Ann up and spared me the humiliation of losing my virginity to someone that gives two whole shits about me." Silence, once again, filled the room and I was forced to open my eyes.

Ryan's eyes burned with heat so intense it could've only been due to anger. "Is this some type of joke? You're kidding me, right?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"Obviously it was one big ass joke. Taking my virginity, making me fall in love with you. All of this was just hi-fucking-larious, right? Saturday Night Live material right there. Who knows, maybe my birth control was defective and I'll end up Teen Mom material."

"Cut the fucking shit, Danica. Right now. I know you're hurt, so am I, but—,"

"Spare me. You're hurt over this? Yeah right," I rose from the desk and snatched my backpack from the floor. "Well, don't let me keep you from doing whatever it is you need to do. Apparently, I've wasted too much of your time anyway. Hopefully you got everything you wanted out of me. Oh, and thanks for letting me know exactly how you feel. I just said I loved you and you continued to treat me like yesterday's meal." I flipped him the bird before leaving his room.

He called my name, but I didn't turn around. I walked as fast to my car as possible, fighting tears the entire way—it was like a delayed walk of shame. Cori was waiting for me next to her jeep; when she saw my face, she immediately ran over to me. I sank to my knees in the snow and bawled, heavy sobs racking my frame. Cori just held me and let me cry—she probably knew there were no words that could bring me comfort.

I wasn't sure how I ended up in my bed that night, but I felt the warmth of the covers around me; they did little to warm my heart, though. I folded my hands together and tucked them into my chest and felt the chill of cold metal on my tear-soaked skin. I ripped the necklace Ryan gave me from my neck as more sobs escaped my lips.

I didn't go back to school for another week and by the time I had the emotional strength to return, my physical strength had given out. I knew I had a temperature before I even left the house that morning and that the nasty sticky stuff I had been coughing up for the past few days meant something was wrong, but I had to go back to school. Today was a library day in Ryan's class and Erin and I needed to get some work done on our project. After Ryan took attendance, our class made the trek to the library. Erin was by my side, chattering about something unimportant when I felt the first waves of dizziness hit.

"You okay, Dani?" she asked, her face heavy with worry.

"Yeah, I'm good," I said, shaking my head to clear it.

I made it to the library before I completely collapsed.

"Danica! Mr. Lewis, get help!" was the last thing I heard.