by phoenixphair
That has got to be the best story I have ever stumbled on. I could actually see everything you described. My boss is pissed because I ran over my lunch time. That never happens TomJ
For nuts/fans like me it was great. One of the best i've ever read.
Its very good. My only comment is that sometimes its not clear at first when you jump from one scene/time to another. This was particularly confusing at the end of the first chapter, (maybe it would be better to label them as chapters) where it is only when Sarah mentions that she has not seen Taylor sleep in over a month that it is clear that time has passed.
I never comment. Ever. But that was intense. I loved, loved, loved all of it. I'm a big romance novel reader, so the switch to Literotica was interesting. That felt right at home with what I'm used to, though. Please, please, please give me some more (Sooner than later)!
-Ashley
This is a great story so far. This reads like a book I would love to own. Hell even better! Please continue!!! Great job so far!
Please finish this story!!...and soon!... I loved the whole thing, and I will be devastated if I don't know how it turns out!!!
I loved this!! Normally I avoid the vampire erotica but this was incredible!! Definitely joining my favorites list. I can't wait to read more and find out what happens when Kevins parents actually meet Taylor 8-D.
I have never commented, and will keep it brief, but that was quite simply the greatest story I have ever read on this site. Keep with it; follow up. You may have a full-blown novel here, and one that could find a place on the shelves.
This was freakin awesome. I gotta say. You really have some talent. Jeez. Keep it up! Wow. Just wow. I would comment on specifics but theres just too much to mention. Wow. Did I mention wow?
damn that was the best story I have read yet please keep it up and I can't wait to see the next installment
Amazing story. Funny, sexy and an absolute pleasure to read. Thank you!
I didn't even read the other comments so I am probably repeating...this story is the kind that I love..fantasy..just enough sexual content to make it erotic but with enough fantasy to make it seem real. I don't know what you do in life but you are a wonderfull writer and I feel honored to have read this.
Cooch
This is the most amasing story, I can't wait to read the next chapters:) It has to wait for tomorrow though:( Whish the day had some few extra hours in it, I would use them to read the rest:) Pleace keep on writing:)
very unique excellent story with some humor this really is an incredible story..
I just discovered you and am now in ecstasy. I\\\'m also speechless. I am so looking forward to the rest of this story. You have an amazing skill for creating realistic conversation, one that grabs onto and pulls the reader right into the events transpiring between the characters. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!
A delightfully complex world that is just a hair's breadth away from our own. You've carefully crafted your characters, gifting each with a unique personality. However, you entice the reader by not revealing "all" too quickly and, thankfully, you do not drag it out either. The story has an excellent feel and flow.
The only negative is a few instances of pronoun confusion, split infinitives and other minor grammatical errors, but that's why we have editors, non?
I've always believed that correcting a story's form is simple. Conversely, I believe if a story lacks substance in its content, there is no hope for it as the writer's vision is unclear.
In my humble opinion, this story does not seem to suffer from a lack of direction. And, as I move to read Pt. 02, my nerves tingle and my stomach flutters with a sense of great curiosity and anticipation.
Fondest wishes,
--ny
Fascinated by this. It's so gripping! And this is the second time I've read it too!! Thank you.
Twilight eat your heart out, character construction and story development have me bewitched. Love it, have to stop now so that I can get to Part 2.
This is a masterpiece. The description is amazing, the characters are beautifully designed. There are not words to explain how into this I am. If this isn't already a book then you must publish your work IMMEDIATELY! I am in LOVE with this story!
Look, I'm torn here.
This is pretty good.
On the other hand, it's amazingly disjointed. Reading this is like reading an exact transcription of a manuscript, with sections out of place, incomplete thoughts scribbled down and all.
I enjoy the characters -I THINK, because the writing is manic enough that I can't be sure- I enjoy the description, and I enjoy the sex... but reading it all together is actually a chore.
So. Take that for what it's worth.
Really well done. I got everything and a little foreshadowing along with it. Very interesting and well written.
Probably one of the best writers on this site. When I grow up, I wanna write like this...
This story line is unique, fascinating, interesting and extremely well written. I am anxious to get to the next chapter so I will end with a sincere Thank You for sharing your creative talent.
I just found this story and all I can say is WoW....
Luvin it greatly, gotta go and finish the story.. Thanxs
Awesome .. bloody billiant only found this story and wow 7 page chapter cant wait to start the next :))
...but TRULY....JazCullen got it right (and what else would you expect from someone with those writing chops?) You are a FREAKING FORCE of nature! Really!!! I enjoyed this first chapter(?) soooooooo...... much that I forgot to take care of the old genitalia while reading. Shit...you're fucking terrific! You get the characterization shit down perfectly, the reactions of each character is relevant and believable, the plot is kicking...I bow to the master...sensei....it's your universe and I'm just a Peeping Tom passing through! Great job...want more!
Don,t bother reading this it,s another story that has no ending . I,m sick of people not finishing stories. The last chapter was written in 2010
So 5 stars, however there ere a few confusing methods used.
So the story as a whole makes sense, as in all the information provided over the seven pages, but the delivery was shocking at times, confusing at others and silly at others.
So mid conversation the paragraph ends. The next paragraph starts and the sentences make no sense at all. Then you provide a sentence mostly at the end of the paragraph that makes the whole paragraph make sense and that the story has moved locations, characters have changed etc. so put this sentence at the paragraph start. Just about every scene change happened this way.
You have long dialog sections and for the life of me I can't attribute many phrases to any particular character. No matter how many times I go over it.
There are other errors but so what. The above two are the ones that make the reading stilted at times.
The story is original, well thought out, fun and interesting characters and has the ability to be expanded on creating a good series. So keeep it up and thank you.
Anonymous comments should be banned
Unfinished like a lot of pathetic writers on here.
The story was done and finished then in the last few paragraphs a whole new storyline starts. This new storyline makes the previous "ending" different and everything is now open and incomplete..
7 YEARS unfinished don't bother.
Anonymous comments should be banned.
I've been a Lit reader over 15 years, first time I got dragged into this vamp world, but your work is intriguing and extremely well written so I expect I'll enjoy working my way through it. Still just getting started, but in Ch. 1, pg 2, there is apparently an unstated leap from being in the car to apparently being on the dance floor. Confused me for a long while as I re-read until I was sure I was not mis-reading. But maybe that's the author's intent? 'We'll see what happens,' to quote a famous President.