by mypenname3000
I really hope the next chapter is coming soon because stopping mid-fight was annoying...
You write well, but this 1 page stuttering, choppy quasi-rhythm you use is atrocious. And you really need to stop using "Lana Fulmine" already. Anyone who has read this far knows her name already...it's like you're pushing for word count. 3* you can do better...I hope.