All Comments on 'Fall of Man Ch. 02'

You have an amazing story, but you REALLY need to pay more attention to your language!

Thank you for another great chapter. I'm looking forward to reading many more.

Some stories can be served up in many small courses, a page or two at a time. I don't think this one can. Just as I am getting into the characters and apocalyptic vib, I reach a speed bump at the end of the page.

This doesn't mean the story is not really good, I think it is. I just think the delivery would be better if it was in larger segments even if less frequent.

And I agree that there are a few editing errors that detract a bit from the flow.

Thanks for sharing. Looking forward to more.

I find myself enjoying this story. However, I agree with the other comments. Just as I find myself getting into it, it ends. Normally with your stories, one page advances the story and works well. Obviously for the readers, this one needs more than that. Please consider longer chapters, even if it creates more time between posts.

Actually, I read quite a bit of material based on this theme and your story is right up there with the best of them so far. Please continue with this story and thank you for your efforts over the years.

I'm sorry, much as I enjoy the story, everything seems as if typed on a smartphone. So many spelling errors, it's really terrible. Are you proofreading before submitting?

I hope the story gets better with time.

It is a bit short, but they have flowed well, one into the next. Your characterizations are very good, and I'm enjoying it greatly. I'm a bit of a pick on spelling and punctuation, which seems to have suffered a bit on this second chapter, but, overall, it is still well done.

As stated previously, larger portions needed, and an editor, but I like the characters and story.

but longer chapters would be beneficial.

There are enough errors they are starting to get in the way, though. Getting an editor is tough as the work is for free. Even a reader would help. In this one, you even slipped into first person. Distracting.

I am interested in your tale and hanging on to see how it goes. It is pretty short, but everyone has their own style -- frequency, amount, and whatnot that contribute to what the gestalt that forms a writer's body of work. Editing one's own work is tough. If you haven't done so, try the forums here on Literotica. Some editors are better than others, but even going through the process of immediate feedback prior to posting will help your writing skill grow. Keep writing; you've talent. Good luck!

I keep hoping to see another installation of the Fall of Man story..hope you can put one out there soon.....Thanks, Gary

hoping for more...please?

please add more

I would love to read more.

I really like the post apocalyptic scenario based on society's greater dependency on technology

I hope you continue with this story. I am interested to see how you will evlove the characters introduced so far

Just wish these chapters were more than a couple of pages long, but I'll take what I can get. The story is getting more and more interesting, so I'm heading on to the next chapter.