All Comments on 'Jenny and Carrie Ch. 01'

I'm really having trouble connecting with the characters in the story. The dialog seems choppy and inane and the characters seem all about the same (and are rather opaque at that). Just not getting it.

But if you read up front. I said it was a sequel to a book I read. In the next 2 chapters it will connect and you will find out about each. But read on because it really only centers around Jenny and Carrie. I'm taking the girls out of the other bookand making them mine. I don't really expect everyone to ge it that would be nuts. But I have gotten some reveiws that say they have gotten it and loved them thanks for the input.

I know this is just the introductory chapter to this story, but really, it had a rushed quality to it, jumping from Katherine and Ross' decision to marry, then the meeting at Leslie's house, then the decision for the double wedding, then the meeting at Victoria's, then the planning stage for the wedding, then the reception. What's the hurry? It usually takes me a while to get acquainted with characters in a story, but with so much happening here, I am having trouble keeping track. I understand the sequel aspect and am interested enough in reading this story that I have purchased the book Possessions by Judith Michael to learn some of the back-story, but really, Jenni, I wish you would slow down and take some time to flesh out a bit more detail.

One other minor aspect is your constant use of the number digits instead of spelling out the numbers in your writing ( Examples: I can't think of 4 better people to do this; hey, you 2, what gives; I've also thought about getting the 4 children in on it , too). Except for ages in the middle of a sentence, this usually isn't done in story telling, at least not in books that I have read. To me this is effective in text messaging and e-mailing but not in book writing.

Anyway, I do look forward to reading the rest of the story.

Steve

On the matter of the number digits, I am referring to numbers less than 10.

Steve

The storyline developed very quickly, almost unnaturally so. The dialog was also a bit stiff with all the "sis" and "dear" and "dears."

However, I am curious to see how things develop as you grow and learn as a writer, and I am interested in giving a few of the later installations a chance.

Thanks for sharing, and please continue to write, learn, and grow!

Great storie I am so wet right now I wish that was my life