by secretme
very interesting story. one can easily get caught up in the characters and the situation is very real. looking forward to more!...of this story, and Mira....and the wittens....
That was a hot, engaging little story, and I like the new characters. There's definitely potential there and hopefully, more "practice" to come :)
That should be 99,5% for the missing words. Thouroughly enjoyed this story as always you are a very gifted lassie.
Keep up the good work. I'm guessing that he was lucky she was aware of the broken blade. That is one of the most common ways that fencers get injured and loose their lives, as I understand the sport.
- Jack
But I too would LOVE to hear about what happen in the locker room! That and you know yeah there are a lot of terms in there I do not understand but I wrote a horse romance once and used a lot of Equestrian terms so you know if your haveing trouble. 3 WORDS Google or Dictionary! That and its fun to learn about someone elses sport or passion
I enjoyed the story but I thought it could use a little work. For example, the rest of us non-fencers haven't a clue what your talking about when you say certain terms. A helpful explanation or even a brief little description would work wonders.
Now I enjoy all your work but I can't help but feel disappointed when I hop onto your page and there's no new Leader of the Pack stuff. I know you wanna write other stuff but, in all seriousness...we are dying here.
I'd certainly like to see more. Just a heads up for your next story, you might want to be careful with your words (beet red instead of beat red).
You are a wonderful writter looking forward to more of all of your stories
You're a wonderful writer, but little mistakes here and there ruin it a little. Examples: "...she yelled at him, through the schlager across the floor, and..." it should be "threw" not "through". And someone else mentioned the "beat red" (should be beet) mistake. Besides the tiny grammatical errors, there was something else that bothered me: "When they finally parted Michelle stood dazed, embarrassed, and angry." Okay, she's clearly standing now. But then .. "Her legs fell away from him and tried to find the floor." That comes afterwards. A little odd. Correcting the smallest errors will makes your amazing stories flow a lot better. Keep it up!
Secretme, I just loved this story. The way you handle boiling emotions and passion is top-notch.
I'm going to have to read some more of your work :)
I have to say that the writing for this was outstanding in the genre. You really developed the characters and at the same time had a great plot involved. The elements of the story are seamless. The eroticism was subtle when appropriate and blatant as needed. I am glad to find decent writers to read and appropriate ideas from, as all beginning writers do. (Hint, I recently began writing in this genre myself.) This story is definitely a gem. Bravo.
I do enjoy your writing. Characters and emotions are so strong and enticing. The spelling and grammar errors spoil it a bit though. Like potholes on a long smooth road. Maybe someone could proof/edit it before you post.
Everything clicked for me, even if they do use those whimpy little French swords...