by lustyc50
I know this is your first time writing. A little more build up and describing the little details would be great. Keep writing!!
Good fiirst story, but try to pace it with dialogue, where feelings and love are steadily expressed
I thought this was pretty entertaining. Moved along at a great pace for how it was told. Great prose, great voice, too.
I do think that the first third, up until they got their farm, could have been omitted and replaced with a few lines during the story. Seemed like fluff.
Felt like someone was telling me a quick story about their life rather than putting me into their head--like something I could interject myself vicariously into.
Great story. Would love next chapters but please add dialogue to emphasize emotions, details, closeness between characters. Also to add meaningful content to lengthen your story. The quick clipped way you tell this is like you're telling your buddies at the bar or deer/fishing camp over beers. I loved the story & plot. Just can't give it over 3☆ due to shortness.
you will have to write a second part about the children try making them longer.