A Gift from The Bard

The set looks simply wonderful: realistic and intriguing with the balcony, terrace and floor levels, and the potted shrubs and roses that Janet and Colin managed to obtain are more than worth the free advert in the programme and the little sign at the entrance that we've allowed the Elms Garden Centre for loaning them for the duration of the play.

The music starts. I'd have preferred something authentically Elizabethan Italian but as no one seems to know what that would be, we've settled on an Elizabethan madrigal played on a guitar, which Terri found. Actually, it sounds very effective and, if we have an expert on sixteenth-century Italian music in the audience complaining, I can always use the excuse that Shakespeare wouldn't have known Italian music. After all, he didn't know to not put a clock striking the hour in Julius Caesar either.

Beth's bright laughter sounds from behind and we all turn. I try to picture a full house and what people will see. Peter and Suzie are tall enough but I suspect that Beth's hair is the most some people will see of her at this point. Never mind. I can see Beth say something and suspect she's miming.

"Beth, if you're talking it must be for real and loudly," I tell her, breaking my own rule not to give instructions during this performance. "The people nearby will expect to hear you." She flicks me an annoyed glance but obeys. I suppose this is as much my fault as this should have occurred to me during rehearsals.

"Come, cousin, let us to home," Suzie improvises. "Thank you, Leonato, for your good companionship."

"'Tis my fine pleasure, Beatrice, for should I not enjoy my daughter's and my niece's company?" Peter replies. They continue their walk to the statue, passing either side of it.

"My Lord!" Tom calls as the messenger and hurries to catch the three of them just as they emerge onto the stage area. Tom hands Peter the rolled paper with a bow and takes a half step back. Peter, Leonato, unrolls the paper and reads it.

"I learn in this letter, that Don Pedro of Aragon comes this night... to Messina."

I settle down, pleased with the opening, to watch the play unfold and to make notes.

I call the cast together at the interval break to feedback my comments for the first half. I work my way through my notebook, using the notes as prompts and occasionally having to think back to exactly what the problem was.

"Ah, yes, Suzie, another one for you: you don't have to turn away from Benedick at every opportunity: he's a handsome man to whom you are very attracted, so that's two reasons to keep looking at him. Isn't that right Beth," I smile and she blushes and looks down shyly. "Right, that's all my notes. Very well, everyone, take ten minutes and then we'll start the second half."

The cast members stand and disperse, most to get a drink, some to use the lavatory. I notice young Emily talking animatedly with that pussy-teasing bitch Suzie; Emily doesn't look happy and I wonder what Suzie has done to upset her. Emily turns away, towards me, and Suzie tries to grab her arm but Emily shakes her hand away. "No, I'm going to talk to her," the girl says without looking back.

To my surprise, Emily stomps towards me! "I know what you're doing, Tati," she says angrily, though she keeps her voice down.

"My dear girl, I haven't the faintest idea of what you are talking about."

"Your constant nit-picking of Suzie's performance, even when she's performed a scene perfectly."

"I'm sorry that you feel like that but I did warn Suzie from the start that the part of Beatrice is a demanding one."

"Bullshit!" she hisses in a low voice. "I know this is all because she wouldn't play your twisted little submissive games and let you be the dominant mistress." I'm surprised -- again. Suzie walking out had not only been a disappointment but something of a shock too, I'll admit. However, I'd thought there was very little chance of Suzie telling anyone.

"Well, I don't know what Suzie's told you but I can assure you..."

"Shut up, you cow!" the girl interrupts me rudely. "Suzie's told me exactly what happened. Now, she doesn't want me doing this because she's still worried that you'll take the part from her but I know you won't."

"Won't I? And why, pray tell me, is that?"

"Because if you do then I will not only tell Mum that you're a lesbian but also that you use your position to try and corrupt young women into sexual depravity."

"So what? I know your Mother; why would she believe..."

"If you don't know how she'd react to even the suggestion that you're gay then you don't know Mum very well. And if Suze made a tearful confession of how you tried to seduce her, well, I'm sure she'd want to talk to the committee that runs the hall the Theatre uses... especially if you were to be a director in future." Incredible: this girl is actually trying to blackmail me! However, she's not the first young lady I've had to put in her place.

"Emily, perhaps you should consider what your Mother would say if I were to tell her that I had indeed slept with your good friend Suzie, but it was actually she who had made a pass at me, trying to kiss me and telling me that she would sleep with me if I would only give her the part she wanted so much, hmm? I can't see your Mother being happy with your continued friendship, can you?" It's would be an outrageous lie but a flicker of uncertainty shows in her face.

"I had a boyfriend until last week," she replies, "she's not going to think that Suze and I are, you know..."

"That's hardly the point, my dear; would she..." Several pennies drop: the two of them last Sunday standing close, very close together at the end of the Hotel's drive; the way the two of them always seem to seek each other out; the little glances and smiles between them and now Suzie's crush, Beth, going out with Joe and Emily with an ex-boyfriend... "Tell, me Emily, how long have you and Suzie been in love? I believe you are old friends, so is this something recent?"

"What? What makes you think that?" she demands. Her voice is indignant but the panic in her face confesses the truth.

"Come, my dear girl, I'm hardly likely to disapprove of two young women in love -- unlike your Mother, apparently."

"See, Emmy, love? I warned you talking to her would do no good," I do my best at hiding my shock at hearing Suzie's voice behind me. "So Tati, it seems that we all have the ability to make things difficult for each other." I turn my head towards her.

"So it would seem, Miss Peterson, but it appears that you have most of all to lose." I wait for her response.

"Perhaps," she accedes. "Tati, is my performance so inept as to require your long list of corrections? An honest answer, if you would please." Her voice is flat and calm and I wonder what she's thinking.

"Your performance is not perfect, Suzie, despite what your... girlfriend?" I ask and she dips her head slightly in nervous acceptance. "Despite what your girlfriend thinks."

"I know I'm not perfect but that's not what I asked. I've tried as hard as I can." There's a catch in her voice. "I came to your house for extra rehearsals; was the only reason you gave me... I mean, why give me the part if I was never going to be good enough?" I hesitate, unsure how to respond as she has come uncomfortably close to my thoughts when I cast her. Perhaps this discomfort shows in my expression. "Fuck you, Tati," she suddenly cries, tears wetting her cheeks. "Fine, I quit. At least then you can't lie about me fucking you so I could play Beatrice. I hope Val's up to speed with the part. I'm just going to let the other know I'm leaving." She begins walking towards the stage.

"Suzie, wait, please," I call quickly. There is now a very real chance she'll tell the other actors that I only cast her to try and sleep with her. Val will be understandably insulted by that and will, therefore, refuse to step into the role; Joe will be angry and blame me for wrecking the show and could quit too; Beth will wonder if I lust after her and my credibility with the whole Company will be in tatters. I've been stupid and let my anger at Suzie's rejection of me dictate my behaviour. "I'm sorry Suzie. Please stop and listen. Yes, I found you attractive but -- how can I say this? -- that was a bonus: you're a very good actress, Suzie, and I haven't been fair on you over the last few rehearsals. Please forgive a foolish, proud old woman."

Suzie looks at me suspiciously as Emily moves to stand close beside her. "Proud?" Emily asks.

"Yes, too proud, and that pride was wounded when Suzie rejected me," I confess, hoping that some show of humility from me now will save me from a more public embarrassment.

"It was what you tried to do to me that I really rejected. I thought you wanted to have sex with me but were unsure if I was lesbian... but it was never just sex was it?"

"No," I admit. "So you've decided you are a lesbian?"

"Yes; okay, I may be too much of a coward to tell people but I was sure of my sexuality before I met you and I'm happy about it too. I'm even happier about it now," she adds with an affectionate glance at Emily who smiles back. I study her and, unexpectedly, there it is -- a sudden understanding of Suzie. I had seen a nervous, slightly self-conscious girl but had missed the determined young woman inside. "So?" she asks.

"Very well," I begin, knowing that I must continue to swallow my pride if this incipient disaster is to be fully avoided. "I admit that telling your Mother would cause a great deal of harm, Emily. Suzie, you're not a coward, no more than I am, anyway. I suppose I could survive with my Sapphic tastes being known but I'd rather not find out, and certainly not in this way." So much for my self-abasement: now to protest some altruism in my humility. "However, as you said Emily, it could also harm the Theatre Company -- all the time, effort and money spent getting to this point wasted -- and that which would be a terrible loss for which we would be condemned as the cause, me most of all, I'm sure. Suzie, I apologise: I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you over the last couple of weeks; you are a very good actor and as Beatrice you are wonderful."

"Really?" she asks suspiciously, "because you said..."

"I know what I said and I wasn't being fair. Suzie, you've worked hard on this production, as has Emily; as, indeed, have the whole cast and crew: let's see it through." Suzie takes a breath, dabs her cheeks dry and nods.

"Okay."

"Thank you," I say. "Go and get a drink and perhaps Emily will help fix your makeup. We can have a longer interval to give you time." The two girls turn and Emily slips her arm through Suzie's. "Suzie," I call and she looks back. "Um, that thing I said about turning your back on Benedick: I actually meant that one, so try not to do it too much, yes?"

"Sure thing, boss," she replies with a touch of a smile.

Suzie

I look through the slight gap in the scenery out into the audience and there, at the front, is Mum. Sitting beside her is Michael and who, though Mum blushes when I say this, must really be considered to be her boyfriend. He's a nice bloke and he makes Mum happy so I try to be as cool about it as I can and resist the occasional twinges of jealousy that it's not just Mum and me anymore. Besides, given that I'm with Emmy, what kind of hypocrite would I be to begrudge Mum some love in her life?

I feel a pair of hands on my hips as someone presses up behind me making me jump. "Hello gorgeous," Emmy whispers as I catch the citrusy smell of her perfume. She leans in, trying to peep through the same gap. "Can you see Mum and Dad?"

"I can see my Mum but not yours. Here..." I move aside, using the excuse of guiding her into place to give her a quick hug around her waist. "Are they there?" She twists slightly, trying to see.

"Um I think so; I think I can see Dad in the third or fourth row, stage right. Tati's there too, right in the corner at the front stage left.

"You've got the jargon now, I see," I tease as she straightens up.

"Oh yes: I'm a complete thespian," she grins.

"No, to be a thespian you have to be an actor. What you are is a lesbia..." I abruptly stop talking as I hear Dan's voice and look to see him approaching along with Chris, Beth and Joe.

"So are you going to ask her?" Chris asks Dan and then, seeing what we're doing, immediately queries us: "Is it a full house again?" Several of the performances in the first week had been poorly attended, probably because the weather had been rather cold for July, though at least it hadn't rained. This week, fortunately, the temperature had improved considerably. During the matinée this afternoon it had, if anything, been rather too warm but this evening, our final performance, it is just about perfect.

"It looks packed," Emmy tells him.

"Come on you lot," Lance calls in a loud whisper, "five minutes to curtain up. Suzie, Beth, what are you doing here? Hurry up; you should be round the side with Peter, ready for your entrance. Emily, go and check that Terri and Ted are ready with the sound and lighting. I'll be over by the props. Come on people." He chivvies us along.

I meet Emmy's eyes, wishing I could give her a hug, the same wish I've had before every performance. What with work and the late nights at the theatre we've had little time together but maybe tomorrow we can rectify that, though I'll definitely want a lie-in because we've the cast party after the show. "Good, I mean, break a leg," Emmy says.

"Come on Suzie," Beth says, pulling at my arm and, reluctantly I follow.

We make our way round, screened by the bushes, and stand behind the gazebo that's acting as the box office to listen for the start of the music that will be our cue to begin. One of the women from the box office, Janet I think her name is, sticks her head around the corner. "We've just had a group of eight people turn up so we're having to shuffle some people around to make room for them. It'll take a couple of minutes."

"So we'll be a few minutes late starting?" Peter asks and the woman nods. "Thanks for letting us know, Janice."

Finally, the music starts and we walk in from the rear of the theatre for the twelfth and final time. I feel more nervous knowing Mum is here, particularly as this will be the first time since primary school that she has seen me on stage. Back then I was a villager in a crowd in a production of Robin Hood and with one line: "Here comes the Sheriff of Nottingham."

"Has it not been a beautiful morning to walk out?" Beth asks, snapping me back to attention. Our originally improvised conversation has become well practised now, which is just as well.

"It has indeed, Hero, my child," Peter replies.

"Come, cousin, let us to home," I say to Beth, "and thank you, Leonato, for your good companionship." I feel myself slip into the part of Beatrice, imagining myself in warm, sunny Sicily as I pass the beautiful statue of Venus that I like so much in our garden.

"'Tis my great pleasure, Beatrice, for should I not enjoy my daughter's and my niece's company?"

We step into the main stage area and I cannot help seeing Mum watching me, a beaming smile on her face. It takes a tremendous effort not to grin back, but I'm saved by Tom's shout.

"My Lord!" a messenger calls, stopping us at the end of the path. We turn to watch as he hurries to catch us. He hands Leonato the rolled paper with a bow and retires a little. Leonato unrolls the paper to read it.

"I learn in this letter, that Don Pedro of Aragon comes this night... to Messina."

There has been a great buzz all the way through tonight's performance with a wonderfully responsive audience and I feel this has lifted the whole cast's efforts.

"Come, I will have thee, but, by this light, I take thee for pity," Benedick, newly in love, says to me, similarly enamoured, as the play nears its conclusion.

"I would not deny you, but, by this good day, I yield upon great persuasion," I retort, "and partly to save your life, for I was told you were in a consumption."

"Peace! I will stop your mouth," he says, smiling, and takes me in his arms. I've been told that our kiss is convincingly passionate but even after many repetitions it's not comfortable and is most definitely not the fun that Beth worries that I'm finding it.

"How dost thou, Benedick, the married man?" asks Don Pedro happily, bounding up the steps onto the terrace, and Benedick turns to speak to him.

"I'll tell thee what, Prince..." he manages before I yank his arm, twisting him back to me and kissing him as he had me, moments ago. I love this audience as I hear clapping, cheers and whistles and I know that what Tati and I were trying to achieve with Beatrice's character has succeeded.

I release Benedick and can once more think of him as Joe while the play winds through its final lines to its conclusion; Don Pedro commands "Strike up, pipers!" and flutes playing a lively tune strike up through the sound system. Beth, Chris, Joe and I link hands as couples and then become a ring of four as we begin dancing. The others gradually join us -- all save Gio, Dan and Victor, their characters supposedly languishing in gaol -- until the set is full of dancing.

The music reaches a crescendo and ends abruptly; there is a moment of breathless silence and then the applause begins. I feel the ecstatic rush and I know I'm grinning madly as my eyes seek out Mum who is clapping and gives me a thumbs-up as our eyes meet.

As the music begins again the dancing recommences but now groups move to the front to take their bows. Dan, Gio and Victor are led on in silver painted plastic chains and seem very satisfied with the booing and hisses mixed with the applause they receive, the accolades of villainy well played. Chris and Beth take their bows and finally, as they step aside and beckon us, it is Joe's and my turn. The volume increases as we bow and, as I straighten I see Mum then Michael stand; this triggers others to follow and it becomes a standing ovation.

We take a second bow and then Joe gestures to the sound and lighting booth where Ted and Terri take their rather cramped and self-conscious bows. Next, for the first and only time, it's my turn. I glance to the left to check Val is ready and she gives a sharp little nod. I take a breath and release Joe's hand to step forward. "Ladies and gentlemen, our director, Tati Stewart!" I shout as I gesture towards her while the cast leads the applause. She stands to bow but we call her out onto the stage and then up onto the terrace where Val presents her with a large bouquet and she bows again.

Tati raises her hands, gesturing for quiet. "Thank you... thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I hope you all thoroughly enjoyed our production and I'm sure I speak for the whole cast when I say you have been a wonderful audience." This triggers more applause and cheering. She continues with a litany of thanks to those not on stage, including the stage crew, set builders, props, costumes, makeup, box office... the list goes and I tune out, wanting this to be over so I can see Emmy. Mum too, of course.

Finally, she winds up and we all give one last bow before the cast leaves the stage, moving off to the right and left. I immediately seek out Emmy and she gives me a big hug. "Well done, Suze; I think that was your best performance."

"Do you think?" I ask, secretly glad because Mum got to see it.

"Definitely, and not just you: everyone seemed spot on tonight. Come on, we ought to see the parents before they have to go." I'm still in costume but what the heck and we head back out onto the stage.