Saving Grace

"So much for 'two left feet,' you liar," she teased.

"Hey Grace, it's because of you, not me. You'd make anyone look good," I responded. For some reason I was pleased that she didn't feel the need to deny it.

***

As we had our dessert Grace actually took the initiative in the conversation. When reading the menu I'd explained to her what 'pot au feu' was and made reference to the Vietnamese 'pho,' one of my favourites which may have been related.

"So you can cook?" she asked, looking a little incredulous.

"Yes. Nothing too fancy. As a student, like most, I lived on fast food and alcohol so when I got my own place I took some cooking lessons, mainly Asian - good enough for me."

I could see Grace was trying hard to say something, then it finally came out, "Perhaps one day you could cook for me?" then she took a quick sip of her drink. Wow! It looked like it was so hard for her to say that. She really was timid but also obviously working mightily against it.

"That would be nice – perhaps breakfast. I'm really good at breakfasts, Grace," I said with a small smirk.

I could see her almost choke on her tokay and she visibly flushed, probably at the imagined circumstances in which we'd be having breakfast together.

I couldn't help but give a little snort at her reaction. "I'm sorry Grace. I'm only teasing. I can't help myself. You blush so prettily."

Although her face was downcast looking into her liqueur I could see a smile spreading. When she raised her eyes to me they had the same soft glow as the pearls at her throat and I felt a shiver go through me. Her mouth, generous and with that slight overbite, lips red and full of promise, captivated me. The rest came without conscious thought as I shook my head slightly. "You've got a beautiful smile too Grace. I think a man would do just about anything to see that smile." (Seduction Rule – Fuck the rules!). The strange thing was it wasn't a line; I meant every word and I think she knew it.

Grace looked down again but her smile didn't falter. "Thank you," she almost whispered then raised her head and looked at me more directly and confidently. She didn't seem so timid or indecisive now. "I can't remember the last time I've had so many compliments. I think I like it."

I couldn't stop myself. "Well Grace, I'll tell you something that few men and even fewer women know, if you like?"

"Please," she said.

"Okay, but first a question. Who are the most beautiful women in the world?"

"Victoria's Secret lingerie models?" she said, with those amazing eyes looking amused.

I couldn't help but laugh. "That's what I'd expect most guys to say." I looked into those incredible orbs, lost for a moment and finally continued more slowly and seriously, "No, Grace. The most beautiful women in the world...are those who don't even know they are." There was no doubt for either of us that I meant her.

Grace held my eyes for a few long moments and bit her lip then shook her head slightly and breathed, "Phewww. I think I'll just go and freshen up. Won't be long."

What was going on here? Shit! I'd overdone it – I'd told the truth and probably scared her off. But I was enjoying myself and although I felt a powerful attraction to Grace I wasn't using my usual strategies to get a woman into bed. The words just came out by themselves. I was actually enjoying her company and felt, what? I don't know. A little relieved maybe that I didn't have to try and get her into bed and give a performance that would knock her socks off but nervous as hell at the same time. Take some deep breaths you idiot, you're never nervous around women.

I shook my head, hoping to clear it from this confusing whirl of thoughts and walked to the bar and quickly paid for our meal.

Grace returned and I held out my hand, "Ready to go?"

She looked a little surprised as she said, "What about the bill?"

"That's sorted," I said, "Let's go."

"I thought I...that is, I..." then she shook her head and smiled at me and took my hand.

What was going on? What did she think? Then it struck me – she thought she'd be paying for dinner. What had Madeleine told her? First, that, 'so young' comment and now this. Did she think she was buying a man for the night – the whole night? No, that didn't make sense; she was too timorous for that. Well then she probably thought she was paying for dinner for herself and her 'escort'. Madeleine was going to get a stern interrogation later.

We strolled hand in hand to my car and I must admit the night was beautiful. We both seemed content to just walk.

A Bach cantata was playing softly in the background as we drove. During my time with Madeleine she'd weaned me off grunge and old heavy metal and helped me appreciate some other styles, although I couldn't tolerate most opera.

Grace seemed much more relaxed, probably more than I was. I had this intense desire to lay my hand on her thigh and stroke the smooth sheen of her stockings and those beautiful legs, or just hold her hand again. Focus on the road and the conversation you idiot! She won't be too impressed if you smash into something.

Grace enquired, "So tell me Jamie, how do you know Madeleine?" with an inflection that didn't seem quite right somehow. Obviously Maddie hadn't told her too much about us and Grace's tone was questing in some way.

I thought I'd tell a half-truth – not really a lie, just an omission. "I'm finishing off my Clin Psych degree Grace. Madeleine's my supervisor for my last clinical placement and I'd like to think, a friend too."

I glanced sideways. Grace's face seemed to run through a gamut of emotions, settling finally on what looked like a self-satisfied smile. Obviously Madeleine hadn't told her about this.

"Oooh. That's really interesting. You look too..." Her voice trailed off and she blushed.

"It's alright Grace, I know. You look too young Jamie."

Grace giggled. "Oh well Jamie, I suppose I should admit, I only open my mouth to change feet."

I laughed then too. "Another of your endearing traits, Grace. Right up there with the blushing." Again, that earned me a smack, this time on the hand but it was a mild reproof and ended in a lingering touch which gave me shivers.

We discussed what we'd be doing for the rest of the weekend as Grace left her hand on mine and too soon we were pulling up at her place. I opened the door for her and we walked the few steps to the entry of her ground floor apartment holding hands.

As we turned toward each other, I said, probably with a 'goofy' smile if it reflected the way I felt, "Thank you Grace. I had a great night."

"Me too. It's been ages since I've been out and even longer since I've danced." Then with a wry smile she added, "Even if they'll think I'm a scarlet woman at work."

I was feeling a little remorseful for that. "I'm sorry Grace, I..."

Grace put her fingers on my lips to silence me and added, "Just teasing. As you said, maybe they'll think a bit more of me now".

That touch, such a small but intimate gesture, put me in turmoil and I was lost for words for a minute. This wasn't me! What was going on? Finally I was able to continue, "Speaking of that, I wonder...Umm...would it be alright for me to ring you Monday night. You know, after work...just to see if everyth..." God, you idiot. You sound like a retard!

"Yes," said Grace, "That would be nice. Do you need my number."

"No, Madeleine gave me your work and mobile," I said, feeling relieved that she'd said 'Yes' for some reason. I saw Grace take a deep breath and I thought how bold she'd become in such a short time when she said, "Well, how about that kiss you mentioned?"

I felt a little tentative almost as though our roles had been reversed. Eventually our lips met and for me it was like magic. Much like when we were dancing, we just seemed to fit. Our lips touched then fled then retouched in some sweet, unconscious dance. I was whirled away to a place beyond time and thought.

It was delightful and I didn't want it to end. When it did, I stroked the line of her jaw with the back of my hand. Her fingers encircled my wrist and pressed my palm against her cheek for some time, eyes closed, before releasing it and seeking my eyes again. Shit, she was so sweet but so hot – and so was I. I needed to step back and take a deep breath. I remembered Madeleine's injunction, fortunately or unfortunately, "Just dinner and dancing..." and was able to spit out a, "Goodnight Grace" before I ravished her right there.

I backed away from her, unable to break our shared gaze and her soft, "Goodnight Jamie," was terminated by giggles as my back hit my car. Yes, it was official – I was a retard.

Driving back to Madeleine's which we'd agreed I'd do – probably to make sure I didn't stay the night with Grace, I tried to understand the chaos that seemed to be going on in my body. And my head.

I knew that if I'd said one word instead of 'Goodnight,' Grace would have invited me in and from there it would have been an easy conquest and probably pretty enjoyable but for some reason I felt good that I hadn't...confusing!

***

SATURDAY

Madeleine and I slept in late. As I wandered into the lounge with St. Saens echoing in the background, she was dressed in an old robe, towelling her hair when the phone rang.

"So what did you think?...Really?...I'm glad. And he said he'd ring Monday night. That's great Grace."

Madeleine looked over at me and put her finger to her lips. "Listen, I'm drying my hair, I'll put you on speakerphone. Hold on a sec." She moved to turn down the music then sat at the table and touched the phone, "How's that?"

Grace related our "date" at some length then made reference to me paying and how she'd been "confused" by it. She said, "I wasn't sure what was going on...I thought I was supposed to pay because...you know...you'd arranged him for me..." her voice trailed off uncertainly.

"Grace! You thought he was an escort I'd set up? That's priceless. Whatever gave you that idea?"

Grace sounded both embarrassed and petulant. "Well you said he was experienced and a professional and he looked so young. I just thought..."

Madeleine laughed loudly. "Good God, woman! I meant his job Grace – he's finishing his Clinical Psychology supervision with me."

"I know that now."

"He'd be good for you Grace and I know he likes you."

"How do you know?" Grace sounded enthralled.

"Well, I've already spoken to him," Madeleine said - not a lie at least, although a lot of our conversation had taken place in bed which she didn't mention.

"What did he say? Come on!" Grace sounded like a little girl imploring her mother for a treat.

Maddie looked over at me and smiled. "Alright, calm down. I don't think I'm breaking a confidence." I could see her looking upwards, trying to recall exactly what I'd said earlier. She continued, "He said, and I quote, 'Jeez Madeleine, what a stunner! Why isn't she with someone? Beautiful, intelligent and...' Hmmmm... I think I should end it there – the rest would be breaking a confidence." She turned toward me and stifled a giggle.

"Oh, Madeleine, you bitch. Come on, you can't leave me hanging like this."

Madeleine paused for a while, no doubt to increase Grace's tension, before she continued, "Well let's just say he was also physically enamoured of you, especially your eyes and your smile but also your other bits and expressed it in fairly basic terms."

"He said that? That he liked me, that he'd like to...you know, be with me like that? That he found me...?"

Looking at me shrewdly, Maddie cut Grace's meanderings short, "Yes Grace, from the way he was talking I'm sure he'd love to fuck your brains out."

I stifled a laugh. Typical Madeleine, a wide-bladed digging implement was always 'a fucking shovel.'

"Oh God, what should I do Madeleine?" came mournfully from Grace.

"I don't know. Do you want him to fuck your brains out?"

There was silence on the line for a while, then, "Yes," Grace finally said in a small voice.

"Yes what?" demanded Madeleine.

"I can't say that." I could hear the shock in Grace's voice.

"Okay, no problem, can't help you then," Maddie responded smugly.

I could almost hear Grace's mental struggles in the quiet that followed. Suddenly she blurted out, "Yes! Yes, I want him to fuck my brains out. There I've said it."

Madeleine had a self-satisfied smile as she said, "Wasn't so hard was it?"

"It's not just that Madeleine. He seemed so young when I first saw him but I've never met anyone like him. He makes me feel like, like...I don't know, he just makes me feel. Does that make any sense?"

"More than you know girl. Anyway don't be too eager. I'm sure he'll ring Monday night like you said and ask you out again." I nodded my head enthusiastically.

"But what if he doesn't?" was Grace's plaintive response.

"Grace, trust me on this, he will. So anyway, pretty hunky isn't he? Did he give you a 'wide on' and did the 'honey pot' get a stir when you got home?"

You could hear the mock outrage in Grace's voice. "Madeleine! You're disgusting! That's it, I'm hanging up." This was followed by a girlish giggle then, "Yes...and yes...twice," before the phone went dead.

Madeleine laughed, then looked at me suddenly serious. "Listen to me and I mean this. If I could really love anyone I'd love Grace. We've helped each other through bad times and I thought it would be good for her to have a bit of excitement in her life. She's so constricted but she has so much to give. I don't want her hurt anymore, promise me!"

I temporised, trying not to answer and reveal my real fears. "Hold on Maddie, I thought you said I was just supposed to have dinner and a dance – make her feel a bit more confident. Now it sounds like you're trying to get us in the sack together. What's going on?" I demanded, "And why is she like this? What happened?"

The questions seemed to distract Madeleine, fortunately. "She's only ever had two men in her life and neither of them...they were both bastards and neither of them treated her well. If Grace wants to tell you that's fine but I'm not saying anything more." She paused and looked down at the floor seeming to go somewhere else. After a time she continued, "Grace only moved back here a couple of months ago. The Grace you see isn't the same Grace I knew when we were at uni together. I'd like the old Grace back and I thought you'd be good for her. You've got a way of making a woman feel like she's the centre of the universe, due to my tutelage of course." Her head lifted and her eyes locked with mine. "Grace needs that. Maybe she needs some physical love as well and I know you're good at that. But if you hurt her I swear, I'll cut your fucking balls off and stuff them down your throat. Promise me!"

I tried to placate her and at the same time give voice to my discomfort and explain it to myself. "Look Maddie, I'm not sure how to say this. She's shaken me up. I know, I know, hard to believe with the super psychopath but...I don't know. I'm nervous around her, yet I want to be around her. A couple of times I was tongue-tied, at a loss. Other times I said stuff without even thinking about it –true stuff. I'm never like that with a woman. It was so hard for me to walk away from her last night but it felt so right after that sweet kiss."

Madeleine's face softened. More quietly she responded, "Do you think I don't know? You've spoken of almost nothing but Grace since you got here. If I was a normal woman I'd be jealous. I think maybe my super-psycho's a little smitten, no? Well, like I said, don't hurt her."

My brain was still racing as I fought to understand my disquiet and put it into words. "Maddie, you're one of the few people I respect, maybe the only one. If I was different, if you were different, maybe...anyway Maddie, I'm not sure I can keep that promise. I don't know why but I think someone's going to get hurt here. Strangely, I hope it's me. But that's not possible is it? Shit! This isn't coming out right."

Madeleine moved toward me then sat on my lap and put her arms around me. She clasped my chin and stared intently into my eyes. "Just shut up. Stop over-thinking things. You're as bad as Grace. Just promise me you'll do your best not to hurt her, that's all I'm asking. I know there's a risk, maybe for both of you but I think it's worth it, don't you?"

She was right. What the hell! I'd never felt like this before but something about it felt right and good. I nodded and said, "I promise Maddie." The kiss she gave me was almost tender and I held her and gently rocked her as she put her head on my shoulder. Softly I said, "Thank you Maddie. You're a pretty special woman."

"Yeah, well it's taken you long enough to tell me that and actually mean it," she said archly.

"I've got so many things to thank you for...Ow!" She'd punched me on the shoulder.

"Shut up!" she hissed. "You're not doing your rep as a psychopath any good and I hate wimps. Come on, let's fuck!" She paused and then with a mocking smile said, "I'll even let you call me Grace."

I laughed as I lifted out of the chair and carried her to the bedroom. "Oooooo. Low blow woman! You're going to pay for that one." We were both back to our normal selves...weren't we?

***

MONDAY

"And...I don't know if I can say this but the little smile I put on, like you suggested, had its effect," said Grace.

"What happened?" I asked, cradling the phone with my shoulder as I lay back on my lounge.

"Jennifer showed up at my door with Susan and announced it was break time. Then Susan made me coffee – made ME coffee - I thought the world had gone mad. They pumped me about you but I deflected most of it."

"Wise", I said, "adds to the mystery and allure."

"I thought so. Then...I don't know if I can say it."

"Come on Grace, don't tease."

"Okay. Well," I could hear Grace take in a deep breath before she continued in a rush, "Jennifer said, 'Well Grace, you're a dark horse aren't you. I didn't know you had it in you.' And Susan added, she added...'From the look of that smile I think she's had it in her lots of times.' Oh God, I can't believe I got that out."

I laughed heartily. "That's priceless Grace. I hate to say I told you so but..."

"But that's not the best bit though." She seemed eager to go on.

"Tell me."

"Well... I still can't believe it...Dianne came in and asked me to do something – she ASKED me! Can you imagine that? She was hesitant, almost apologetic and I thought, 'Yes that's it. The world has gone mad.' Can you imagine Jamie?"

I couldn't help but chuckle a little. "I'm glad for you Grace. A small acknowledgement of what you truly deserve. The way you deserve to be treated."

"You really believe that don't you Jamie," she said quietly.

"Yes Grace." Oh God. I was doing it again, telling the truth without even thinking. Why was I like this with her? Why was I so nervous? This was ridiculous. I give great phone. To fill the void I started talking. "So...Grace...I was wondering if...that is..."

"Yes."

"I mean, I'm not trying to be pushy, just if you're free..."

"Yes!"

"I thought maybe..."

"God Jamie! Can't you take 'Yes' for an answer? I'd love to go out with you again."

"Oh. Okay. Great. I'm free Wednesday and Thursday this week if that's any good...unless you'd like to wait...you know..."

Thankfully Grace saved me from any more inanities, "Wednesday would be fine for me. I'm off then."

"What would you like to do Grace?"

"No, no fair. I picked the restaurant. Your turn."

"Well Grace, I've been thinking about what you said and I wondered...if you'd maybe give me a personally guided tour of the Museum of Modern Art? Educate me."