All I Want For Christmas is Mom

"Okay." I looked up into his glaring eyes and whispered, "You're right, Dad. I think about mom like that."

"Like what?"

"Like," I pointed at the picture on the lap top. "Like that."

"Like that? Grow up!" he snarled, "Say it."

"Dad..."

"Say it!" "I want to fuck my mother." my words turned into a sob and I started to lower my head, but catching me roughly by the chin, dad lifted my face to meet his gaze.

"You're sick Danny, fucking sick. You have no idea how sick you really are. That's your mother! It's fucking unnatural to see her like that! Danny, your mother loves you, she loves you more than anything!"

"She's good to you, she takes care of you she...she's your mother! And you think of her like this? Why? Because you saw some pictures? You should have dropped those things like a fucking stone and left them there! You should be ashamed of yourself!"

"I am." I said weakly.

"Because I caught you! Otherwise you'd just keep going! Christ, now....Damn it, Danny! Now every time I see you look at her I'm going to know this is what you see!"

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cover this! But you'll be even sorrier soon because I'm giving you two weeks to find a fucking roommate and get the hell out of my house!"

"Dad!"

"Dad, nothing! I don't even think you should be around your mother. Every time she walks by you probably see her doing something dirty to you!"

"No, that's..." I was going to deny it, but stopped, he was right. "I'll go to talk to someone, dad, I'll..."

"You can do whatever you want, but you won't do it here!" Dad yelled again. "You're out Danny, go live with your friend Jack that way the two of you can talk dirty about your mother, after all you both think about fucking her right?"

"Dad, please don't." I begged, "I'd have to tell mom."

"Oh, damn straight you'll tell your mother!" he told me. "I'm going to make you tell her that way I don't hear any shit about tossing your sick ass out of..."

"What the hell is going on?" We both turned to see mom standing in the doorway, "Dan, I heard you yelling from downstairs, and...Oh my god, Danny your face!"

She hurried over and in a panic I grabbed the mouse and closed the picture.

"Dan, did you hit him?" Mom asked, reaching out to my face.

"Yes and he deserved it!" Catching mom by the arm he pulled her away from me, "Don't touch him."

"Dan, what the hell is wrong with you?" Mom demanded, pulling her arm from his grasp, "What could he do to make you this mad?"

"Good question." Dad nodded, "Should you tell her or should I?"

"Dad, please don't." I whispered, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"Danny!" Mom stepped towards me, "Baby, what's the matter?"

"Don't call him that, he'll get excited." Dad said and caught her arm again, "Before you get all motherly with your little boy, how about I tell you what I found out he out he's been doing?"

"Danny, you're not smoking anything are you?" She asked her eyes wide.

"I wish he was." Dad sighed, "That would be easy to deal with. Hey, Danny, last chance to tell your mother what you watch in here."

I sat there in silence, my stomach turning. I didn't want dad to tell her, but it seemed there was no stopping him and I had no way out. Mom stared down at me, a look of concern on her face and that made me feel worse.

"Watch?" she asked, "Danny, are you watching porn?"

"Oh, yeah he is." Dad replied.

"Um, well...he's over eighteen what's the big deal?" Mom shrugged, "As long as we don't hear it. Boys will be boys right?"

Dad laughed humorlessly, "Mama's boys even."

"Alright Dan, enough with the games, I want to know why the hell you're so mad and you better have a damn good reason for hitting our son."

Dad looked at me and like a pathetic little kid I shook my head.

"Fine." Dad picked up the shattered DVD case, "This came in the mail today and it sure as hell isn't mine."

Mom looked at the lurid cover and read the title, "Loving mothers?" She looked at me then back at the movie, "Oh."

Dad turned it around and held the back of it up to her face to read the description. Mom's eyes widened and she shook her head, "Danny, why would you want something like this?"

"Why do you think?" dad asked, "Seems your little boy wants to be your little man."

"No!" Mom shook her head and to my surprise slapped the DVD from dad's hand. "You're wrong, this is a mistake! My son wouldn't think of me like that!"

"Oh, no?" Dad asked.

"No and you had no right to hit him! This is a mistake, isn't it Danny?" she turned to me. "You don't see me that way do you, honey?"

I stared into her eyes and saw they were already filling up and her lip was trembling.

"Danny?" Dad asked, quietly. I shifted my gaze to him and saw he appeared calmer and when he spoke it was in a soft tone, but his words twisted into my stomach like a knife. "Tell your mother the truth."

"Mom," I choked back a sob, then forced the words from my mouth, "I've been thinking bad things about you."

"Bad things." She repeated a stunned look on her face, "Danny," she looked down at the DVD on the floor, "I...this is my fault."

"What?" Dad exclaimed.

"I must have done something wrong, I must have been inappropriate somehow." Mom shook her head and my heart broke at the sight of tears rolling down her cheeks, "I failed somewhere as a mother."

"Bullshit!" Dad snapped, "You're an amazing mother! Danny!" he pointed at me, "You really going to let your mother blame herself for your sick shit?"

"Mom, you didn't do anything wrong."

"No, it's me." Mom nodded, "A parent has to take responsibility."

"Enough!" Dad leaned over and slapping my arm away from the mouse clicked the folder and brought up the picture of mom on her hands and knees staring wildly over her shoulder as dad fucked her.

"Oh my God!" Mom cried out, "Her hands going to her face, "Oh...oh God, Danny!"

I lowered my head in shame as dad spoke.

"That your fault, Robin? Your fault he found those and got so fucking turned on he put them on his computer so he could jerk..."

"Stop it!" Mom choked out, "Don't say it! I know what he does with those." She looked at me with a look of disappointment that brought the tears back to my eyes. "Danny, I can't believe you think of me like this."

"I'm so sorry mom!" I sobbed, "I love you, I really do!"

"Bet you do." Dad muttered, "Loving mothers, right?"

"Dan stop, we have to talk about this."

"Nothing to talk about, he's in college he can go live on campus, he's leaving after the holidays. Merry fucking Christmas to us." He grunted.

"No! He's not moving out!" Mom turned to dad, "This is a problem, but we are not throwing our son out!"

"Then you better lock your door at night." Dad pointed at me, "And don't drink anything he gives you."

"I wouldn't hurt my mother!" I yelled at him.

"Don't raise your voice to me!" Dad shouted back, "You're lucky I didn't give you what you really deserve."

"Dan! Please!" Mom grabbed his arms, "I know you're mad and I don't blame you. But let's calm down and talk about this."

"Nothing to talk about. Our son's a fucking deviant. You know Robin you bitch at me about sex, but fact is its all anyone thinks about these days, its fucking everywhere and look what happens," he gestured towards me,

"Kid starts watching regular dirty movies and ends up finding pictures of you he should be disgusted by and he thinks its fucking hot!"

"We'll figure this out." Mom repeated, "We all need to just take some time and decide how."

"I know how." Dad picked up the DVD and slammed it down into the trash can next to my desk. "He can go live with his little pervert friend, he thinks you're hot too, so they have something in common."

"He's not leaving I... Dan! Don't walk away from me!" Mom grabbed his arm as he began to walk towards my door.

"It's best for all of us if I do." Dad eased from her grip. "Danny, I have never been more disgusted in my life. If I stay here I'm going to lose my fucking mind, because right now, kid, I can't stand looking at you."

"Dad, I didn't mean to..."

"Get caught. I know." He shook his head and for the first time his anger was replaced by a pained expression, "I can't tell you how disappointed I am in you."

He walked away towards my door speaking over his shoulder as he did, "I wouldn't get to close to him if I were you."

Mom had put her back to me and stood there silently. I had no idea what to say and for the first time in months I looked at her back without checking out the length of her skirt of her legs.

I sat there sniffling like a baby and trying to muster the nerve to say something to her. Mom turned to face me and I felt another wave of shame when I saw the tears on her face.

She looked down at me and her eyes shifted to the left and she whispered, "Get rid of that picture."

"Okay." I closed it out and she added, "Delete it, and then go into your recycling bin and delete it from there. I want all of those pictures off that computer tonight and any other video or story you have on there about mothers."

She looked down and leaning over pulled what was left of the DVD case from the trash. She removed the disc and with a look of disgust snapped it in half and dropped it back into the bucket.

Mom looked as if she were going to say something else, but instead turned and started to leave the room.

"Mom?" I forced myself to speak, "I'm sorry."

Without looking at me she continued to walk out the door, but called out.

"You should be."

******

I sat on my bed, staring at the TV screen and trying to get into Call of Duty in an attempt to distract myself from what had to be the worst day of my life.

"What the fuck are you, doing Danny?" Jack yelled through the headphones, "You just got us fucking killed again!"

"Oh," I rolled my eyes at the screen when I realized I'd tripped yet another mine, "Sorry, Jack, I'm just not into it."

"So what's wrong, you need to talk?" he asked.

"I'm in deep shit, but can't talk about it." I sighed, "Hey you think Roger and Rob would let me stay there for awhile? I'll sleep on the couch and I can pay a little bit for rent."

"What?" I winced as his voice rose in the headphones and on the screen his character stopped moving, "Dude, that the hell is going on?"

"I don't want to say, but I really might need a place to stay after Christmas, what do you think?"

"I think your folks would never throw you out and you'd be nuts to leave, but if it's that bad, we can talk about it, at least for a little while."

"Thanks, Jack." I sighed, "I appreciate it."

"Sure, but I'm going to make you tell me what you did though."

I looked up at a knock on the door, "Hey, I have to go, okay?"

"Yeah, sure, Merry Christmas."

"Yeah, you too." I said with little enthusiasm. I pulled the headphones off and shutting off the game called out, "Come in."

Dad entered the room and came over to where I was sitting on the end of the bed.

"I'm heading out." He said, "But I wanted to talk to you for a minute."

"Okay." I nodded.

"Tomorrow's Christmas and for your mother's sake I want to try to have a good day. We're putting this on hold for a couple of days, and then we talk about it. The three of us, got it?"

"Yes sir." I said softly

"Your mother doesn't feel good so she's already on bed. Needless to say she wasn't up for cooking so we ordered Chinese, there are leftovers in the fridge, make sure you eat."

"I will."

Dad was silent for a moment and I remained where I was, staring at his boots. He cleared his throat and spoke quietly.

"I'm sorry I hit you."

"I deserved it." I told him.

"No, I was wrong." He insisted, "But it's good to hear you say you think you had it coming." He paused then surprised me by sitting next to me on the bed.

"Danny you really upset me. What you were doing is...well it got to me and I over reacted. Now that doesn't mean it's any less wrong, but I didn't act like an upset parent, I acted like an asshole."

"No, dad, I'm the one who's wrong, all this is my fault." I said, looking up at him. "I'm sorry, I really am."

"I hope you are. You know I'm more upset for your mother more than for me. This really hurt her. We talked for over two hours and she keeps thinking she did something to bring this on, that she teased you somehow."

"No, it's not her. I just saw..."

"I don't want to know right now." Dad put his hand up, "We'll talk when we're all cooler about it, day after Christmas."

"Okay, but I would like to tell mom I'm sorry tonight."

"Let it wait, she's sleeping and I think you should leave it be."

"Okay." I said and wiped at my eyes, which were misting up again at the thought of how much I'd hurt my mother.

"What I will tell you though is I'm not going to ask you to leave, that was another over reaction."

"Thank you!" A wave of relief flooded through me.

"But." He raised his finger, "That's based on two things. One, I never find you with anything like that again, two, we're going to get you an appointment with someone to talk to because Danny its unnatural to see your mother like that and you need some help."

"You're right, dad." I agreed, "I know you said we won't talk about it until later, but I don't know what's wrong with me. I would think of mom like that and one minute think it was you know." I looked away from him. "A turn on, but then I would feel bad, but I just couldn't get it out of my head."

Dad put his hand on my arm, "Good to hear you say that Danny, it makes me feel a little better and you tell her that too, when she's ready to talk. I blame all that smut you watch."

"No, most of it isn't that stuff."

"No, but it leads to it. Look, I was raised with views that are old fashioned, sex should be between people who love each other and it should be private not all over the friggin internet. People watch this stuff and you get into one thing then another and next thing you know you're into whips and chains and hurting people or...stuff like that movie you bought."

He laughed, softly, "You heard us arguing earlier, your mother thinks I'm a little to dull about that stuff, but I'm right Danny, thinking about it too much is no good."

"Okay."

"Guess I know why you didn't have a girlfriend. I think you need to ask that girl out, Danny, be with a person you should be with."

"I'll think about it."

"You do that, meantime," he stood up, "I'm leaving, I'll see you in the morning okay."

"Thanks for talking to me, dad." I wiped at my eyes, "Sorry I hurt you guys."

"We'll all get past it." He said, "But do me a favor okay?"

"What's that?"

"You wait for your mother to come to you to talk, don't go to her, got it?"

"I promise."

"Good," he noticed the stricken look on my face and sighed, "She'll be okay, Danny, but she needs some time."

"You sure?"

"Of course, I am." Dad assured me, "Danny, mad or not, hurt or not, your mother loves you. You're her son and no one will ever love you the way your mother will."

Dad looked at his watch and with an awkward wave left the room. I sat there thinking about his last words, no one could ever love a boy the way his mother could. I thought of mom lying in her bed, alone and upset.

Thought about going in there to say I was sorry. Mom would forgive me and hug me and then tell me she felt that way too, just like in all the movies and she'd lay me back on the bed.

"Please, stop." I put my hands to my head, as if I could block out those thoughts.

But the image of mom telling me she was turned on, knowing I wanted her stayed with me. I looked around the room and standing, went over and locked my door. Walking over to my bed, I reached underneath it, into the hole in the box spring and slid out the copies of the pictures I had printed months ago in case I ever lost them on the computer.

I stared at the one of mom laying back and spreading her legs and fought with myself. I was torn between throwing them out and getting on my bed and jerking off to them again. I sighed disgustedly already knowing what I would end up doing.

*****

"Did it." I said aloud as I stared down at the small paper shredder I'd grabbed from mom's office.

After lying on my bed and stroking to the pictures of mom, I stopped in mid stroke and instead of seeing her face in my lap; I saw that look of hurt in her eyes. I sat up, tucked my cock away and after getting the shredder from downstairs, fed each of the pictures into it.

I came close to stopping several times. As dad had demanded I had deleted all the pictures from the lap top then from the recycling bin. Once these were gone, the only ones left would be the originals and something told me after today Dad might be getting rid of those.

I waged war with myself with each picture, hesitating and thinking maybe just keep a couple, but holding onto the image of how upset my mother was I managed to shred all of them.

Shutting it off, I dumped the strips of paper into my trash and left the shredder near my door to take down later. I went and took a long hot shower, the entire time making a conscious effort to keep my hands off my cock, lest I revisit a favorite fantasy of mom with me in the shower. Nope, dad was right, hell I had been right, this was sick and not fair to mom and I had to get over it somehow.

The idea of talking to someone about this was unnerving, but if it would make my mother more comfortable knowing I was, then I would do it. I returned to my room and dressing in a pair of jogging pants and a t-shirt thought about getting some food downstairs, but hadn't noticed if mom was in her room or not and I didn't want to run into her downstairs. Dad was right; I would wait for her to talk to me.

In the meantime I would just lie down and wait to fall asleep, thinking about how I'd not only ruined Christmas this year for my parents, but hurt them. I sighed disgustedly as I sat back against the pillows, closed my eyes. Within seconds I opened them at the sound of a knock.

"Mom?" I called out.

"Yes, can I come in?"

"Sure." I said nervously, wanting to see her, but at the same time, dreading it.

Mom entered my room and closing the door behind her approached the bed. I was surprised to see she was wearing her Santa hat, the one I made for her when I was in middle school and she wore every year. Beneath the hat her ldark hair was down she had on the long black robe she usually wore.

As she walked I noticed she was barefoot and she wasn't wearing pajamas under the robe. Instead when the black material shifted as she walked I caught a glimpse of her bare leg. She was barefoot as well, which was also odd, as her normal not so sexy night attire usually consisted of her fuzzy black slippers. Her toes were painted red to match her fingers and I caught my eyes working from her feet and up the robe, trying to get a glimpse of her leg.

Stop it, Danny. I told myself as she stood next to the bed.

"Can I sit down, honey?" she asked.

"Of course!" I sat up against the headboard and mom surprised me by coming up to the head of the bed and sitting down sideways so she was facing me where I sat.

She crossed her leg and again I fought to pull my gaze from her exposed lower leg. No, not just her lower leg, I could see part of her inner thigh where the robe fell away. I cursed at myself and shifted my eyes to her face. My eyes narrowed when I noticed she had on lipstick and eye shadow, why the hell would she be made up to hang around the house?

"How are you, Danny?" she asked, "You okay?"

"Yeah, I...mom I'm sorry!" I blurted out, "I really am!"

Mom silenced me by first putting her fingers to my lips, then leaning over and hugging me tightly. I put my arms around her and hugged her back, grateful for her touch.

"It's okay, baby." Mom said soothingly in my ear, "I love you."